Siem Reapin it

So we packed out bags and headed off to sunny Cambodia. Southeast Asia has a great network of private buses, pretty much criss crossing the entire region for super cheap. We chartered a bus from Bangkok to Siem Reap, Cambodia, online for about twenty bucks. The bus trip itself was, needless to say, infinitely nicer than any analogous experience in the US. The seats were big and comfy, there's directional A/C, and lovely lace curtains on the windows. 

Soft, wavey curtains

When we got on in the morning, the bus attendant (of course there was an attendant. What do you think we are, pig farmers?) handed each of us a little bag with a bottles water, a canned coffee drink, and some snacks. Around noon he handed out heated meals that we never found out where they originated or how they were heated. At the border we were forced to disembark (you can't ride buses across borders for...reasons, I assume), officially check out of Thailand, walk across about one hundred meters of stateless land which was home to liquor stores, casinos, and individuals promising expedited visas (you'll be glad to here your humble protagonists had already purchased their Cambodian visas online, for which there is an ap, and Vietnamese visas at a visa service in Bangkok). On the other side, Cambodia stamped us in, we got back on the bus, drank the beer that the raucous middle aged Indian vacation group offered us, and enjoyed the rest of the trip to Siem Reap.

Siem Reap. One of two major cities in Cambodia, Siem Reap is a town of about 175,000 souls built primarily around the economic stimulus of the one point six million tourists who visit the nearby Angkor complex every year. It is located on a small river and centered around the tourist district, referred to as Pub Row, which consists of a dense pack of bars, restaurants, coffee houses, visa services and bus stations. Spreading our from that is concentric rings of laundry services, bicycle rentals, tour services, hostels and hotels, and scooter rentals. Gradually, the city morphs into local residential neighborhoods and coffee shops where the townees gather to watch professional wrestling and play dominoes.

Roughly what the non tourist areas of town look like

Oh, scooter rentals.

We spent our first day relaxing and acclimating to a new country, trying to learn please, thank you, and beer in Khmer, and walking around the city. Our second day, we spent on the scooters. Taking the approach of the first place we walk by is probably the best, we ended up at a scooter rental/bar/family residence called Blueberry where a shirtless and possibly (probably) day drunk Australian ex-pat named Joel was more than happy to rent us two scooters for the day, as well as show us a local map of lakes, temples, and areas most likely to have traffic cops. I, because I am me, got my international driver's license before I left the states. Chris doesn't even have his domestic driver's license. Luckily, all Joel really needed from us was ten dollars american apiece and a promise not to tell the police where we rented the scooters if we got pulled over.

Okay guys, I'm just gonna through this out there- scooters are great. Just, like, so great. I imagine motorcycles are even more greater, but they weren't renting those. The speedometers didn't speedom, so I have legitimately no idea how fast we were going, but I'm guessing it was somewhere around wwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

WWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

We drove around town, including through a couple temples and at least one back yard, because Cambodia takes a creative approach to city planning, and eventually out to a reservoir that was originally created by the ancient Angkor civilization to catch rains during the monsoons to be used for irrigation during the dry season. Contemporary Khmers have erected public hammocks and use it as a beach. We took a modern approach.

Every moment of my life that is not exactly like this is wasted

Eventually we ended up back at Blueberry, this time in the bar capacity, and learned there is one drinkable south asian whiskey called simply 31, but for some reason no one else on the whole fucking sub continent sells it, preferring instead Mekong, which is kind of like a mixture of mentholatum and and rubbing alcohol. This would not be the last time our paths crossed with Blueberry.

Next up, the main attraction- the Angkor complex.

The size of Los Angeles, the capitol city of the Angkor empire was easily one of the largest settlements in the world at it's peak at roughly 1,000 CE. The remaining structures still clocks in as the largest ancient temple complex on Earth.

There are a billion different tour options for Angkor, from hiring a guy with a scooter to drive you around to buying a ticket for a tour bus that takes you to all the highlights and includes a running narrative, but you can't just drive there- the tourist police (an actual division of law enforcement) will fine anyone who doesn't live in Cambodia who is driving in an area requiring an Angkor pass, basically a park pass. You can, however, bicycle to it. Angkor Wat, the main temple, is six kilometers north of Siem Reap, and for three dollars you get a day's use on a surprisingly well maintained mountain bike. We did what's called the small circuit, a rough rectangle that covers Angkor Wat, Angkor Thom, and a half dozen other sites, more than enough to get templed out, and runs about twenty miles.

Once you get to the temple site, there's no real structure to the experience- you can just walk in and wander around and climb on stuff and poke things until giant boulders come rolling at you. And, because it's a tourist site in SE Asia, there's roughly three billion people selling food, water, coconuts, palm juice, maps and souvenirs. Moral of the story- you don't need no one fer nothin'. Rent a bike, see Angkor how you wanna.

Yes, I took pictures.

The whole time I was suffering from Serious Sam induced ptsd

After Angkor, the trip was all over except the poolside drinking. We hung around town for a couple more days, making friends at Blueberry and exploring the wondrous world of rooftop bars, before engaging another in a long series of buses to happenin' Ho Chi Minh City, nee Saigon.

Why aren't all rooftops also bars?